In the world of weight loss, is it possible to get a Mulligan? Can I get a do over and truly start fresh?
My weight has ALWAYS been my biggest hangup! When I started this blog six months ago, I truly felt this would help me be accountable for what I am doing to get myself healthy. While the main focus to acheiving a healthy lifestyle are to lose weight, the point is become healthy again.
Sadly though I found that I wanted to avoid the health/weight loss issue just as much, if not more, after I started this blog than before! Another even sadder truth is since I began my avoidance, my health has decreased and my weight has increased.
I scan of recent blood-work has all but SCREAMED in my face how badly out of control this spiral and roller-coaster has become. My cholesterol is officially high, my sodium low, and my glucose levels even closer to diabetes than 6 months ago. I have also managed to gain 14 additional pounds of cushion that I don't need and don't help my over all mind health.
My weight has made me aggitated, aggressive and severly depressed. In truth I am terrified of what to do and how to do it. I am terrified that I will not be able to achieve the goals I MUST achieve to become healthy and live a productive life for myself and my family. My health doesn't just affect me, it affects my children, my reasons for being. My hang-up with my body image and disgust with my self are having a direct result in how I am parenting my children. I am avoiding school events and parties, this I am sure makes my children feel SO important (sarcasm here).
I am determined now to face this beast of lifestyle change head on and win, though I am scared and unsure what to do.
I have spent a lot of time over the last few days pouring over recipes, foods, vitamins and exercise that I hope will help me achieve the healthy body, mind and spirit I need to be the best I can be.
I have set a date for Monday to begin to put my plan and goals into action, allowing me a couple more days to cement the best course for me.
Wish me luck and I will check back soon.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Days 11-15
Obviously I haven't been keeping to my new fitness driven life. In all honesty, I have been avoiding it.
Getting sick was a definite pop in my balloon of a fitness changing life. I have lost the motivation and the desire. I am trying to figure out what exactly it is I am trying to do. And I need to re-investigate the reasons I am trying to get fit and lose weight in the first place.
Today is definitely not a good day for fitness for me, so I think I will hang it up and find some tater's.
Getting sick was a definite pop in my balloon of a fitness changing life. I have lost the motivation and the desire. I am trying to figure out what exactly it is I am trying to do. And I need to re-investigate the reasons I am trying to get fit and lose weight in the first place.
Today is definitely not a good day for fitness for me, so I think I will hang it up and find some tater's.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Days 5-10
As usually happens with me, I got my late spring and early summer cold. The last several days I haven't walked, I haven't ate (at least nothing good) and I haven't drank water.
When I am sick I fall back to the comforts of life. The comfort clothes, blankets and yes, the foods.
With a sore throat I ate a lot of mashed potatoes, reasoning with myself that they wouldn't hurt my throat any worse and I drank a lot of my beloved Pepsi!
I realize that I could have chosen better foods to prevent my throat from hurting so badly, soap, j-ello, just about anything other than loaded mashed potatoes.
The damage to my body is done and to my psyche as well. It's time to re-group and move on.
When I am sick I fall back to the comforts of life. The comfort clothes, blankets and yes, the foods.
With a sore throat I ate a lot of mashed potatoes, reasoning with myself that they wouldn't hurt my throat any worse and I drank a lot of my beloved Pepsi!
I realize that I could have chosen better foods to prevent my throat from hurting so badly, soap, j-ello, just about anything other than loaded mashed potatoes.
The damage to my body is done and to my psyche as well. It's time to re-group and move on.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Day Four
Yesterday I walked about a mile, less than the two days before, but today I feel no worse, not much better, but definitely not any worse.
I have been searching the internet for some strength moves I could incorporate into my nightly walk with the dogs. I think I am just going to try to add some bicep curls and other arm moves for right now.
I didn't feel so great today, my stomach was really acting up, so I slipped back into my old habits and avoided food for the most part. I also avoided water and in general flopped today.
I took the dogs for a very generic walk, not much of anything really, not even enough to count as a walk.
I feel like I am giving up before I even get started. I think I will rest a bit and see if tomorrow is a better day.
I have been searching the internet for some strength moves I could incorporate into my nightly walk with the dogs. I think I am just going to try to add some bicep curls and other arm moves for right now.
I didn't feel so great today, my stomach was really acting up, so I slipped back into my old habits and avoided food for the most part. I also avoided water and in general flopped today.
I took the dogs for a very generic walk, not much of anything really, not even enough to count as a walk.
I feel like I am giving up before I even get started. I think I will rest a bit and see if tomorrow is a better day.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Day Three
The first thing that I can say about my journey today is OUCH!!!!!!
When I woke up, my entire lower unit was hurting. Not muscle pain alone, just pain. My feet hurt in places feet shouldn't hurt! My legs hurt and my HIPS hurt! Every move has been painful and uncomfortable and sitting doesn't relieve the pain in my feet.
I had thought I would experience this discomfort yesterday, but I was fine! I guess today my body is making up for it.
I learned a couple good lessons:
Lesson #1- Even though you are walking, STRETCH! Had I stretched a little before taking off, I would probably not have quite as much pain in my legs and hips.
Lesson#2- GOOD SHOES are a must. I walk along a gravel road with lots of rocks. I need shoes that are much thicker in the sole and support my feet better. I will begin shopping for a new pair of shoes that will allow my feet comfort.
Lesson#3-Anything worth having is not always comfortable and easy to obtain.
At this moment I would love to forget all about my desire to lose weight and crawl into bed, never to torment my poor piggies to such painful excerise, but I won't. Bad shoes, sore lower unit, I am heading out for the walk today. I will stretch first and I will cut it down a little, but I will walk.
When I woke up, my entire lower unit was hurting. Not muscle pain alone, just pain. My feet hurt in places feet shouldn't hurt! My legs hurt and my HIPS hurt! Every move has been painful and uncomfortable and sitting doesn't relieve the pain in my feet.
I had thought I would experience this discomfort yesterday, but I was fine! I guess today my body is making up for it.
I learned a couple good lessons:
Lesson #1- Even though you are walking, STRETCH! Had I stretched a little before taking off, I would probably not have quite as much pain in my legs and hips.
Lesson#2- GOOD SHOES are a must. I walk along a gravel road with lots of rocks. I need shoes that are much thicker in the sole and support my feet better. I will begin shopping for a new pair of shoes that will allow my feet comfort.
Lesson#3-Anything worth having is not always comfortable and easy to obtain.
At this moment I would love to forget all about my desire to lose weight and crawl into bed, never to torment my poor piggies to such painful excerise, but I won't. Bad shoes, sore lower unit, I am heading out for the walk today. I will stretch first and I will cut it down a little, but I will walk.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Day Two
I feel pretty good today, I did well with my eating choices and I walked again for 1 and 1/2 miles. It was pleasant, but boring. I definitely need to find some way to make excercising more enjoyable.
At this time though, I really need to get the walking down pat.
I didn't do as well today on water consumption as I had hoped. Tomorrow is a new day and I will get better with time.
I am tired so this post is short, but wish me luck on tomorrow, I need it everyday.
At this time though, I really need to get the walking down pat.
I didn't do as well today on water consumption as I had hoped. Tomorrow is a new day and I will get better with time.
I am tired so this post is short, but wish me luck on tomorrow, I need it everyday.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Day One PM
Alright, I must say that Day one didn't go quite as well as planned.
I did so-so with my food choices.
Breakfast: Pepsi
Lunch: Sandwich (wholewheat turkey light mayo cheese slice) and pepsi
Dinner: Bar-b-que chicken (not a lot of the bbq) and baked potato (okay here I failed miserably......this is going to MUCH harder than thought) and pepsi!
PM Snack: NONE!
Though I did consume more water than usual (which is none) I didn't live up to every other drink method, I met this about every 2nd Pepsi. Considering my usual habits of Pepsi all day, everyday and only Pepsi, I will still congratulate myself on this and start over tomorrow.
Exercise: 70 minutes of walking (2 miles appx)
I did really good here and I must say I feel really good about it!
Today we received a new addition to our family.........a large dog that needs to walk.
I must say BB was a great motivator to get me to walk and I promise the to little dogs were happy about it.
The one thing I forgot to do was to stretch first, but I didn't feel bad walking and nothing hurts, so I am thinking I will be okay.
While looking over today's hits and misses, I need to get breakfast in everyday. I know this is going to play an important role in acheiving my goals. I also need to incorporate a few healthy small snacks.......oh and drink more water!
Today is over and I would give myself a thumbs up or at least a 6 on the scale of 1-10. Though I lathered my tater, I kept it to just a small one, I did drink some water and I did eat lunch and exercise!
Off to bed, I need some sleep! Tomorrow is another day and another chance to get it right!
I did so-so with my food choices.
Breakfast: Pepsi
Lunch: Sandwich (wholewheat turkey light mayo cheese slice) and pepsi
Dinner: Bar-b-que chicken (not a lot of the bbq) and baked potato (okay here I failed miserably......this is going to MUCH harder than thought) and pepsi!
PM Snack: NONE!
Though I did consume more water than usual (which is none) I didn't live up to every other drink method, I met this about every 2nd Pepsi. Considering my usual habits of Pepsi all day, everyday and only Pepsi, I will still congratulate myself on this and start over tomorrow.
Exercise: 70 minutes of walking (2 miles appx)
I did really good here and I must say I feel really good about it!
Today we received a new addition to our family.........a large dog that needs to walk.
I must say BB was a great motivator to get me to walk and I promise the to little dogs were happy about it.
The one thing I forgot to do was to stretch first, but I didn't feel bad walking and nothing hurts, so I am thinking I will be okay.
While looking over today's hits and misses, I need to get breakfast in everyday. I know this is going to play an important role in acheiving my goals. I also need to incorporate a few healthy small snacks.......oh and drink more water!
Today is over and I would give myself a thumbs up or at least a 6 on the scale of 1-10. Though I lathered my tater, I kept it to just a small one, I did drink some water and I did eat lunch and exercise!
Off to bed, I need some sleep! Tomorrow is another day and another chance to get it right!
Day One AM
Today is the first day of my fitness journey and I can honestly say I wasn't too thrilled with yesterday's reality check and decision to become fit. To say I hurt is redundant, I have said that I hurt every morning already, but I wasn't disappointed as I rose from bed and felt the constant dull ache in the small of my back or the pressure on my knee joints! DAM IT SAM I don't want to do this!
And to make matters worse, my stupid, yet enlightened self created a blog yesterday to track my progress and accountability! And even worse, if someone happens to stumble upon said blog, I don't want to look like an idiot, rather I want to give hope, so today I will deal and at least try to make smarter food choices and TRY to muster up the courage to exercise and take my little walk!
I keep telling myself this is for the best and that in the end I will be happy with my choices, but right now, I am popping my first Pepsi (my equivalent to most people's coffee) and shaking off the dread I feel about this decision. As I take a drink of my beloved cold sweet treat, I fill my 64 oz water jug and stick it in the fridge (dam it wouldn't fit in the freezer), after all I must drink water after this can!
I am off to begin the day and I promise I am shaking off this bad attitude and replacing it with a new and improved one (I am at least faking it!).
See ya soon.............
And to make matters worse, my stupid, yet enlightened self created a blog yesterday to track my progress and accountability! And even worse, if someone happens to stumble upon said blog, I don't want to look like an idiot, rather I want to give hope, so today I will deal and at least try to make smarter food choices and TRY to muster up the courage to exercise and take my little walk!
I keep telling myself this is for the best and that in the end I will be happy with my choices, but right now, I am popping my first Pepsi (my equivalent to most people's coffee) and shaking off the dread I feel about this decision. As I take a drink of my beloved cold sweet treat, I fill my 64 oz water jug and stick it in the fridge (dam it wouldn't fit in the freezer), after all I must drink water after this can!
I am off to begin the day and I promise I am shaking off this bad attitude and replacing it with a new and improved one (I am at least faking it!).
See ya soon.............
Friday, May 23, 2008
The Choice to Commit
I woke up this morning and the sad reality of being chubby hit me hard in the face!
No it wasn't the insatiable craving for jalapeno poppers at 10 am that caused the big reality check, it was the fact that it hurt to get out of bed, again!
Getting out of bed in the morning shouldn't be a struggle! My struggle to de-tangle from the covers and rise from bed shouldn't imitate that of a whale struggling for the water it so needs. Well maybe I didn't exactly resemble a beached whale, but I sure felt like one.
After getting out of bed, I realized that the time had long passed to get serious about my body and to do something to change it. It's not like I have been living under a rock and wasn't aware that my shape was ever growing! I was aware, I just didn't care. No I cared, just not enough to do something about it...........yet. DIET has always been a nasty four letter word not welcome in my life and it still is for the most part! This isn't about checking out the latest and greatest diet fad and getting skinny! It's about changing my habits, lifestyle and getting fit and healthy.
At 35 I shouldn't be worn out after taking a shower, I should be invigorated and anxious to start the day! But that hasn't been the case for a number of years now. Being chubby hurts, not only does it hurt, it's tiring! Sure I can eat all the yummy, artery hardening, waist growing, thigh expanding goodies I want. Sadly though, the joy of consuming those deep fried Twinkies and endless mounds of mashed potatoes aren't worth the pain it takes to move around my life everyday. They definitely aren't worth the disappoint in my children's faces when I find yet another excuse to stay inside and avoid the embarrassment and pain of riding bikes with them.
Over the years I have read about healthy lifestyle and even dabbled a little with the concepts, however, my desire to consume endless quantities of Pepsi and large bowls of overstuffed mashed potatoes (the kind ladled with sour cream, cheese, ranch and butter) at 11 pm overwhelmed the pain and sweat of working out and making good choices. What can I say, I HATE to sweat and I LOVE mashed potatoes ladled with the good things in life!
What I realized is that I am a lazy emotional eater and I was constantly in pain and sweating anyway. The pain and sweat were a direct result of being lazy and eating midnight carb ladden snacks! So what I decided was that if I was going to be in pain and sweat, why not put that to good use and get healthy.
I am pushing health issues such as hypertension and diabetes (talk about an unwelcome lifestyle change) so there is no better time to change it all around on my TERMS! Take that Diabetes!
After making the painful decision this morning to make the committment, suck it up and change, I developed a plan and a set of goals.
My plan:
My plan is to start slowly.
Exercise, start small and work up. So I will begin with a little stretching and walking.
Food, I am not making any huge changes here yet, I know myself and I can't be successful if I throw too much on my plate (no pun intended) so I am going track what I eat and when I eat and for every Pepsi I consume, I will drink one 8 oz glass of water!
In about a week, I will refresh the plan and add to it!
My goal:
To obtain a healthy weight and waist size (yes I have been doing some reading!) slowly.
My healthy weight is 155lbs and my desired waist size is: 32 inches my appropriate healthy BMI should be 18.5-24.9
My statistics:
Age: 35 Height: 5'9 Weight: 214 lbs Location: Midwest
Wasit: 40 1/2 in Hips: 44 1/4 in Thighs: R 25in L 24 1/2in Bust: 46 in
Calfs: R 14.5 L 15 Arms: R 13 L 12.75
BMI: 31.6
My Motivation:
To live life to the fullest! This means to feel good and be healthy, to look good and know I do, to have energy and stamina.
My children are also a huge motivator for even now they say I am pretty and I love them for it! My children are still proud to claim me as mom and to introduce me to their friends!
And if we are to be totally honest, because just ONCE, I want to be called or referred to as a MILF!
Wish this chubby fatty chasing her fitness dream much luck, I am probably going to need it!
No it wasn't the insatiable craving for jalapeno poppers at 10 am that caused the big reality check, it was the fact that it hurt to get out of bed, again!
Getting out of bed in the morning shouldn't be a struggle! My struggle to de-tangle from the covers and rise from bed shouldn't imitate that of a whale struggling for the water it so needs. Well maybe I didn't exactly resemble a beached whale, but I sure felt like one.
After getting out of bed, I realized that the time had long passed to get serious about my body and to do something to change it. It's not like I have been living under a rock and wasn't aware that my shape was ever growing! I was aware, I just didn't care. No I cared, just not enough to do something about it...........yet. DIET has always been a nasty four letter word not welcome in my life and it still is for the most part! This isn't about checking out the latest and greatest diet fad and getting skinny! It's about changing my habits, lifestyle and getting fit and healthy.
At 35 I shouldn't be worn out after taking a shower, I should be invigorated and anxious to start the day! But that hasn't been the case for a number of years now. Being chubby hurts, not only does it hurt, it's tiring! Sure I can eat all the yummy, artery hardening, waist growing, thigh expanding goodies I want. Sadly though, the joy of consuming those deep fried Twinkies and endless mounds of mashed potatoes aren't worth the pain it takes to move around my life everyday. They definitely aren't worth the disappoint in my children's faces when I find yet another excuse to stay inside and avoid the embarrassment and pain of riding bikes with them.
Over the years I have read about healthy lifestyle and even dabbled a little with the concepts, however, my desire to consume endless quantities of Pepsi and large bowls of overstuffed mashed potatoes (the kind ladled with sour cream, cheese, ranch and butter) at 11 pm overwhelmed the pain and sweat of working out and making good choices. What can I say, I HATE to sweat and I LOVE mashed potatoes ladled with the good things in life!
What I realized is that I am a lazy emotional eater and I was constantly in pain and sweating anyway. The pain and sweat were a direct result of being lazy and eating midnight carb ladden snacks! So what I decided was that if I was going to be in pain and sweat, why not put that to good use and get healthy.
I am pushing health issues such as hypertension and diabetes (talk about an unwelcome lifestyle change) so there is no better time to change it all around on my TERMS! Take that Diabetes!
After making the painful decision this morning to make the committment, suck it up and change, I developed a plan and a set of goals.
My plan:
My plan is to start slowly.
Exercise, start small and work up. So I will begin with a little stretching and walking.
Food, I am not making any huge changes here yet, I know myself and I can't be successful if I throw too much on my plate (no pun intended) so I am going track what I eat and when I eat and for every Pepsi I consume, I will drink one 8 oz glass of water!
In about a week, I will refresh the plan and add to it!
My goal:
To obtain a healthy weight and waist size (yes I have been doing some reading!) slowly.
My healthy weight is 155lbs and my desired waist size is: 32 inches my appropriate healthy BMI should be 18.5-24.9
My statistics:
Age: 35 Height: 5'9 Weight: 214 lbs Location: Midwest
Wasit: 40 1/2 in Hips: 44 1/4 in Thighs: R 25in L 24 1/2in Bust: 46 in
Calfs: R 14.5 L 15 Arms: R 13 L 12.75
BMI: 31.6
My Motivation:
To live life to the fullest! This means to feel good and be healthy, to look good and know I do, to have energy and stamina.
My children are also a huge motivator for even now they say I am pretty and I love them for it! My children are still proud to claim me as mom and to introduce me to their friends!
And if we are to be totally honest, because just ONCE, I want to be called or referred to as a MILF!
Wish this chubby fatty chasing her fitness dream much luck, I am probably going to need it!
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